Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
