Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
