she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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