He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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