i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize