So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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