We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
