Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
