my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
