Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
