is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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