Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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