Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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