i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
