video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I touched a dick in church today
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
