I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
