I want to walk on stilts...naked
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
