I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
