Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
