they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
