I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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