We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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