i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
