I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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