i would punch a child for taco bell
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
