She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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