I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
