Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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