I saw his package. It spoke to me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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