I murdered the dance floor call the cops
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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