he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He passed out mid-signature
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
