Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
