Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
