He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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