Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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