HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
