In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
