I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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