You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
