Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
