look no pants
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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