I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
