This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
