You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
