next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
