Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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