yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
