The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
