After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
