exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
