the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
