WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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