I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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