Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
