Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it because I queefed?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
