She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
