Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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