apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What a dumb baby whore.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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