No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
