dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
did i walk over a car last night?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize