I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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