I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
