The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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