apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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