I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
