Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
