I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
