PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
