I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize