I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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