doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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