so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
