ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
