when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
